Do You Want To Die?
by Fafsernir
Summary: Jack had already come, twice, and hoped he could break Ianto's mask for once. He just needed to let go at least this one time, right?


_It is set after Cyberwoman but was written before Broken came out :)_

 **Prompt Idea "ngl i thought you were the weak one of this friend group but your whole life just went to complete shit around you and somehow you're still acting the same so if you want to be weak you can be around me" au**

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Jack watched as Ianto was cleaning the table. He then followed him in the kitchen and leaned against the door frame. Ianto continued his cleaning and started to do the dishes. He cut the water then brewed some coffee, taking two mugs. He gave one when he passed by Jack, without looking at him, and went to his living room. He sank down in the sofa and put his mug on the low table before crossing his arms. Jack watched him do so and slowly drank his coffee. The tension was palpable and the silence seemed to bother Ianto who was nervously scratching his forearm.

"Why are you here, Sir?" he finally asked in a whisper. He didn't ask it directly, but Jack knew the question was here. Was he going to retcon him? Kill him? Jack had already come twice since Lisa's death and the beginning of Ianto's suspension, but they hadn't talked at all. Ianto didn't seem to be able to hold it any more.

"Ianto, do you want to die?" Jack quietly asked.

He frowned, a bit disturbed by the question. He slowly shook his head but didn't answer aloud. After a while of opening and closing his mouth, he took a deep breath.

"I thought I did. I think I did, for a while. Not any more."

"Good."

"No that's not good. Jack, what are you doing here?"

"I always thought you were the weakest. I mean, being the butler/archivist and all. I never thought you'd make a good field agent. I guess I was wrong."

"Sir. Just..." Ianto began but Jack settled down on the couch. Ianto stood up quickly, far from Jack. "Answer me."

"Listen to me. You owe me that," Jack coldly said. Ouch. That hurt, but Ianto wasn't going to admit it. He deserved it. He sighed and put an arm around himself as if trying to protect himself. Jack continued, "Since the very first time, I thought you were the weakest. But here you are, making coffee and fake smiling and doing as if your life were perfectly fine. It's not, Ianto. Don't act like that."

"Don't..."

"You have to hear it!"

"Don't you dare..."

"She's dead Ianto! Wake up, young man, life keeps going, you can't ignore this. You can't just ignore the pain, you have to face it at some point."

"Yeah? Watch me," Ianto scoffed. He had his arms uncrossed now but Jack heard that his sarcasm didn't sound as usual. His voice broke a little, and that was a good sign, Jack thought. So he kept going, trying not to think too much about what he was saying.

"Believe me, I've tried. Ignoring the pain, ignoring your past... This isn't getting you anywhere. You'll end up losing your humanity."

"Yeah, like you," Ianto snapped.

"I had to kill it, you know that."

"Her."

" _It_. Ianto, she died at the battle! What you brought home, what you brought in _my_ place, it wasn't her! Nothing was real, it was manipulating you!"

"My love was real!"

"Yeah, you loved her so much that you hid her from us, from the world. You loved her so much that you didn't end her life but you maintained her alive, you made her suffer, you kept her breathing when all she wanted was to die because she wasn't in control any more, she wasn't her any more, she was already dead and you tortured her!"

Jack barely flinched when the fist hit his face. He knew it would come but it still hurt. Ianto knew how to throw a punch.

"Stop talking!" Ianto yelled and seemed to hesitate. He finally took a deep breath and lowered his fist.

"It's the truth, and you know it is! I killed her because you brought her here! You endangered the whole world because you were blindly in love."

"Yes I was," Ianto hissed between clenched teeth. He had trouble staying calm. Which was good for what Jack needed to do.

"I don't blame you for loving her. I blame you for putting the Earth in danger. You are the youngest in there, you were supposed to be the good butler, not the one to betray me. You lied to my face and you hid your cyber-girlfriend in my place," Jack spatted and ignored the voice in his mind that said he should stopped for Ianto's and his own sake. No, Ianto needed to hear the sad truth and face the consequences of his actions now. It was better if Jack was the one to confront him, rather than Owen or Gwen. The first would be too abrupt and the latter would go too easy on Ianto. Or wouldn't be able to talk about it as she had had a near-death experience because of him. At least, Jack could take the hits as he knew that Ianto was that kind of person, now. "You killed two people," he almost whispered, and as Ianto was seething he didn't know if he had heard it. The next hit answered his question.

He was surprised when Ianto charged him. He bumped his shoulders against his waist and they both fell to the ground. Jack yelped when his head hit the floor and he looked up at Ianto who was now sitting on him, panting, clearly angry.

"You think your smile will do the job?" he continued, bitterly. "You think Owen and Gwen are that stupid? You think none of them will make a remark? Tosh won't, she's already defending you. But Owen, dear Owen, oh God he won't ever let you go with that. He'll want to know why. What are you going to do? Smile? You can't hide from yourself, Ianto! Just face your demons, stop pretending nothing happened! She's dead, she was dead the whole time!"

"I KNOW," Ianto yelled before punching Jack in the face again. Jack was expecting another hit, but it never came. Ianto was already breaking down and he started to cry, his hand still near Jack's face. He collapsed on Jack's chest, a sob shaking his shoulders. Jack carefully put his arms around him and Ianto tried to fight him for a while but then gave up, too mentally exhausted to fight back. He just let everything go and didn't try to hide himself or pretend that nothing had happened. He remembered Lisa, Lisa's body in his hands, Lisa's screams when he had pulled her out of Canary Wharf. Then he told himself it had never been Lisa. He knew it hadn't. But he hadn't been ready to give up on her just yet. Jack was right, he had been in love and done stupid things. "I know," he repeated when he was able to, still crying. "I know they're dead because of me... I killed them. I killed her. You didn't. I put her in there... I thought I could... I didn't... I wanted to... It was horrible. All these dead bodies. I had to throw up until I had nothing left, because I couldn't stand it. And the smell... God, Jack... They're all dead... All of them..."

"I know. Shh... It's okay to let go..." Jack said, rocking as much as he could Ianto in his arms.

"It won't bring them back," Ianto bitterly laughed then a new sob shook his body and he stayed silent. Jack just stroked his back for a long time and didn't comment on the position even if he didn't feel some parts of his body because of Ianto's weight on him. Ianto randomly talked at some point, stopping to cry or just because he couldn't think of anything to say. Jack didn't know if he fell asleep or passed out, but he carried him anyway and left him in his bed. It was the first step to go back into Torchwood.


End file.
